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Old 08-15-2009, 07:58 PM   #1
newsman
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Cool "I was just scratching myself"

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Angel Bautista is suing the NYC TLC to get his license back after being accused of public lewdness in March of 2008

Saturday, August 15th 2009, 4:00 AM

Hey, that's not the emergency brake!
A NYC grabby cabbie whose license was revoked after he allegedly masturbated in front of a female fare is suing the city to get his job back.

Livery driver Angel Bautista was stripped of his for-hire license following a revolting March 2008 ride through three boroughs in which his hands strayed far from the steering wheel.
"You're not doing what I think you're doing," the grossed-out woman gasped, according to Taxi and Limousine Commission records.
"Oh come on, I wouldn't do that," Bautista replied. "I can't be doing that. How can I do that and I'm driving a car?"
When the disgusted fare asked Bautista why he had a jacket in his lap, the Queens cabbie answered "because it's winter time."
He also explained that he kept tissues handy because of "a runny nose caused by seasonal allergies," according to a report from Administrative Law Judge John Spooner.

Now Bautista wants his license back, claiming there's not enough evidence to prove he touched himself.
"Of course I didn't do that," the 55-year-old father of two told the Daily News. "I feel horrible, terrible."
Bautista claimed he didn't see his fly was open after a bathroom break at the start of his shift.
"I was in a big rush and I didn't realize my zipper was down," he said.
The TLC punished Bautista last October for engaging in "unseemly behavior" that was "against the best interests of the public."
He picked up the woman - who had been his passenger a half-dozen times before and was running late for a doctor's appointment - in Brooklyn.
Then he stopped for another woman and her son in Queens, forcing the original fare into the front seat. He paused to spew profanities and throw a tissue at another driver on the road, Spooner's report said.
As he drove into Manhattan, the woman noticed he was touching himself, the report said. When she got to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan, she called 911.
She accused Bautista of reckless driving because the car was "jerking" and "drifting off to the other side" while he fondled himself, the report said.

"Bautista went so far as admitting that he might have been 'scratching' himself," Spooner wrote.
In his ruling, Spooner pointed out that Bautista is hardly the first driver to lose a license for "such behavior," with at least four others getting sacked for similar offenses.

And it wasn't his first brush with trouble; he had been flagged for speeding and gabbing on a cell phone during a 10-year career.

He insisted Friday the latest charge is worthless. "I don't feel comfortable about the decision," Bautista said. "I want my license back."
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Old 08-15-2009, 10:45 PM   #2
folriva
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This guy's actions could have caused the car to" jerk off" the road.
It could have led his passenger to a "stroke".
They never mentioned the amount of "load" he was carrying.
His "discharge" from driving a cab again, is the best thing.

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Old 08-15-2009, 11:53 PM   #3
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Too funny Folriva....
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Old 08-16-2009, 09:46 AM   #4
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I don't think he's "playing with" a full deck.
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Old 08-16-2009, 09:54 AM   #5
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Since we've sunk to new all-time low's here, below is the official list of alternative terms. I think this is all inclusive, unless anybody has additions.

WARNING: Reading below is for intellectual, cultured types only. (very deep philosophical content)

Answer the Bone-A-Phone
Assault on a Friendly Weapon
Backstroke Roulette
Baiting your Hook
Batting Practice
Bash The Candle
Beat Off
Beating the Bishop
Beating the Dummy
Beating the Snake
Beating the Stick
Beating your Meat
Being your Own Best Friend
Bleed the Weed
Blow Your Load
Bludgeon the Beefsteak
Boppin' your Bologna
Box the Jesuit
Buckin' it
Buffing the Banana
Buffing the Wood
Burping the Worm
Butter Your Corn
Calling Down For More Mayo
Calling All Cum
Carrying Weight
Cast Off
Changing your Oil
Charm the Cobra
Choking Charlie 'till
He Throws Up
Choke the Sherriff and Wait
for the Posse to Come
Choke Kojak
Choke your Chicken
Civil War
Cleaning out your Rope
Clean the Pipes
Clean your Rifle
Clubbing Eddy
Couch Hockey for One
Cracking the Fat
Crank the Shank
Cranking
Cranking For Cum
Crown the King
Cuff the Carrot
Cuffing the Puppy
Cum The Scum
Custer's Last Stand
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mother Palm and Her Five Daughters
Devil's Handshake
Diddle
Dishonorable Discharge
Disseminating
Doddle Whacking
Doodle Your Noodle
Do The Dew
Drain the Dragon
Drain the Monster
Drain the Vein
Dropping A Line
Dropping Stomach Pancakes
Firm Your Worm
Fist your Mister
Five Against One
Five Finger Knuckle Shuffle
Five Knuckle Olympics
Flogging Your Dong
Flogging Your Log
Flute Solo
Flying a Kite
Fondle the Fig
Freeing the Willies
Frigging the Love Muscle
Gallop the Antelope
Gallop the Maggot
Getting In Touch With Your Manhood
Getting In Touch With Yourself
Getting to Know Yourself
Personally in the
"Biblical Sense"
Getting Your Caps Peeled
Giving it a Tug
Giving the John Hancock
Grease the Pipe
Greasing your Bone
Hack the Hog
Ham Shank
Hand Job
Hands on Training
Hand to Gland Combat
Hand Work
Having a Roy
Have it Off
Have One Off the Wrist
Hitchhike Under the Big Top
Hitching to Heaven
Hit the Ham
Holding All The Cards
Holding Your Sausage Hostage
Hone your Bone
Hump your Fist
Hump your Hose
Humpin' Air
Ironing Some Wrinkles
Jack Hammer
Jack Off
Jackin'
Jackin' the Beanstalk
Jag Off
J Arthur Rank
Jazz Yourself
Jelly Roll
Jenny Macarthy Jaunt
Jerk Off
Jerk the Gherkin
Jerk the Johnson
Jiggle the Jewelry
Jimmying your Joey
Killing the Beast
Knock the Top Off
Launching the Hand Shuttle
Leakin' the Main Drain
Loping your Mule
Making the Bald Guy Puke
Making Nut Butter
Making Yogurt
Mangle the Midget
Manipulate the Mango
Manual Override
Masonic Secret Self Handshake
Massage your Muscle
Massage your Purple-Headed
Warrior
Measuring For Condoms
Milking the Bull
Milking the Lizard
Milking the Monkey
Milkywaying
Moulding Hot Plastic
Nerk your Throbber
Oil the Glove
Oiling The Pogo Stick
One Handed Clapping
One Man Show
One Man Tug-O-War
Pack your Palm
Pat the Robertson
Peel the Banana
Peel the Carrot
Petting Your Dog
Playing With Dick
Playing With Susi Palmer and her five friends
Playing With Your Noodle
Play Pocket Pool
Play the Organ
Play the Pisser
Play the Piss Pipe
Play the Skin Flute
Play the Stand-Up Organ
Playing With the Snake
Playing Your Instrument
Play With Yourself
Plunk your Twanger
Pocket Pinball
Pocket Pool
Polish the Chrome Dome
Polish the Rocket
Polish the Sword
Polish your Bayonet
Polish your Helmet
Polish your Piece
Popping the Porpoise
Popping The Purple Pimple
Pound Off
Pound Your Flounder
Pound Your Piss Pump
Pounding your Pud
Pudwhacking
Pud Wrestling
Puddin'
Pull the Root
Pulling The Wire
Pulling Your Goalie
Pull Off
Pulling The Piss Pump
Pull the Pole
Pull the Pope
Pull Your Pud
Pull your Taffy
Pumping For Pleasure
Pumping For Power
Pump the Python
Punchin' The Clown
Punchin' The Munchkin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the Bishop
Ram the Ham
Ride the Great White Knuckler
Rolling The Fleshy Blunt
Roman Helmet Rhumba
Ropin' the Long Horn
Rope the Pony
Roughing up the Suspect
Rounding Up the Tadpoles
Routin' for the Yankees
Rub One Out
Rub the Unicorn's Horn
Runka
Scraping Your Carrot
Scratching the Itch
Seasonin' Your Meat
See Mrs. Palmer & Five Daughters
Self Love
Sending out the Troops
Shaking Hands With Abe Lincoln
Shaking Hands With the Governor
Shaking Hands With Shorty
Shaking Hands With the
Unemployed
Shake the Snake
Shifting Gears
Shine Your Pole
Shining The Helmet
Shooting Enemies
Shooting Putty at the Moon
Shooting Sherman
Shucking Bubba
Slam the Hammer
Slammin' the Salami
Slappin' Pappy
Slapping the Clown
Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Slap My Happy Sacks
Slap the Salami
Slapping the Cyclops
Slapping your Chub
Slinging Jelly
Sloppy Joe's Last Stand
Sloppy Sign Language
Stroke the Stallion
Smacking your Sister
Snap the Monkey
Snap the Whip
Snapping Your Carrot
Spank the Frank
Spank your Monkey
Spear Chucking
Spreading the Mayo
Spunk the Monk
Squeeze the Cream From the
Flesh Twinkie
Squeeze the Lemon
Squeezing the Tube of Tooth Paste
Squeezing the Burrito
Staff Meeting
Stall Clapping
Stir the Soup
Stroke Off
Stroking It
Stroking your Goat
Stroke your Poker
Taking a Shake Break
Tame the Wild Hog
Tap the Turkey
Tease the Python
Tease the Weasle
Tenderize the Meat
The Erky Jerk
The Sticky Page Rhumba
Threading a Needle
Throw off a Batch
Throwin' Down
Thump the Pump
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the Pickle
Toss Off
Toss the Boss
Toss the Turkey
Tugging your Tapioka Tube
Tugging your Toobsteak/Toobsnake
Tug of War with Cyclops
Tuning the Antenna
Turning Japanese
Tussle with Your Muscle
Unwapping the Pepperoni
Varnishing the Cane
Wailing
Walk the Dog
Walking Willie the One
Eyed Wonder Worm
Wank
Waxing the Dolphin
Wax your Jackson
Wax your Weasel
Wax your Willy
Whack Off
Whack Your Tack
Whip the Dummy
Whip your Dripper
Whipping the One-Eyed
Wonder Weasle
Whipping the Pony
Whipping the Window Washer
White Water Wristing
Whizzin' Jizzim
Wiggling your Worm
Winding the Jack In The Box
Wonk your Conker
Working a Cramp out of your Muscle
Working your Willy
Wrestling the Eel
Wring Out your Rope
Wring Your Thing
Yahtzee
Yank My Doodle
Yank Off
Yank the Yodle
Yank your Crank
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Old 08-16-2009, 11:27 AM   #6
WatchinU
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I've got another one........

Bob Correia at work
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